By Kurt Dusterberg

Every so often, the media latches on to a story about some youth sporting event where the final score is especially ugly. Years ago, I wrote an article about a girls high school basketball team in San Mateo, California that lost 101-1.

Hard to believe, isn't it? But it happens.

Such stories often spark heated emotions from the parents of the kids on the losing side. Often the media joins the fray, and the philosophical questions follow:

Is it acceptable for one team to run up a score against a lesser opponent? Should parents worry about children losing in such an embarrassing manner? Shouldn't teams "back off" when they get a big lead?

They're fair questions.

But I'm always surprised by the answers. Invariably, many people think the winning team showed poor sportsmanship. They ask, what about the feelings of the losing team?

Here's a reality check: In most cases, there's nothing unsportsmanlike about winning. And losing — by any margin — shouldn't influence a child's well being. Good coaches and parents can provide an emotional band aid for a tough loss.

In any age group — from beginner leagues through high school — there will be some performance imbalance. Kids have varying levels of experience, age and size. Coaches bring different approaches to their teams too. Sometimes the best players wind up on one team, and the least experienced wind up on another. What to do?

It's simple, really. Both teams should give their best, and everyone lives with the outcome.

And that's why I'm never too concerned about lopsided wins and losses, even for young athletes. If you play sports long enough, you'll be exposed to both. It's a great way to learn that life can be uneven, and you have to deal with both success and failure.

Here's another reason it's OK to take some lumps. Losing teams learn exactly what their shortcomings are, which provides an ideal chance to improve. It happens at every level of sports. The New York Jets lost to the New England Patriots by 42 points last December. One month later in the playoffs, the Jets beat the Patriots, 28-21. New York obviously learned a lot from the regular season game. It happens on an individual level too. If you miss free throws or swing at bad pitches during the game, you know what to work on in practice. It's humbling at the time, but failure provides a blueprint for an athlete who wants to excel.

Want a kid example? I coached my daughter's 10-year-old rec league softball team last fall. Our worst loss was 15-5. We played the same team in the playoffs and they beat us again — 2-1. I couldn't believe how much our team had improved. All the clues for improvement came from that 15-5 loss.

Don't get me wrong, good sportsmanship is important too. In a one-sided game, the coach of a dominant team will give the backups more playing time, or try kids at new positions. But he can't tell his kids to stop trying. Good teams have a responsibility to give their best too. Unless the coach is clearly setting out to embarrass the opponent — and it happens — try to remember: It's just a game. Kids don't dwell on the final score.

If your child winds up on the wrong end of an ugly scoreboard, you can help soothe his or her wounded pride. Chances are, that's all it will amount to. Then start focusing on how your child can improve before the next game.

In other words, worry about the things you can control. That's another great lesson to start on early.

Kurt Dusterberg is an Apex resident and a youth sports coach. He is the author of the book, Journeymen: 24 Bittersweet Tales of Short Major League Sports Careers.


Next Article >>